Amsterdam – Amsterdo – Amsterdon’t

Amsterdam was quite lovely, aside from some cold and rainy weather. It was a lot more chill than I expected, but in a really nice way. It’s an absolutely beautiful city of canals and brick buildings, juxtaposed with plenty of grit.

Amsterdo’s

1. Stay at the Flying Pig Downtown. I stayed at the uptown one the first night, and it had a really cool environment and was easy to meet people. The uptown one is really far away from everything (except Vondelpark), so I figure the downtown one is the place to stay. If you don’t mind being really far from everything and not being able to meet people, the Stayokay hostel is pretty nice. It was fine considering I was with friends.
2. Anne Frank House. It’s something the world doesn’t owe us, but we owe the world. It will humble you, make you question humanity, and ultimately help you appreciate human resilience. “One day this terrible war will be over. The time will come when we will be people again and not just Jews. We can never be just Dutch, or just English, or whatever. We will always be Jews as well. But then we will want to be.” -Anne Frank
3. Vondelpark. I got lost there, alone, on my last day (after having visited a nice coffee shop called Dolphins. It was deliciously beautiful that day, the sun reflecting off the water, fallen trees still rooted and growing towards the horizon, and unusual European playground equipment. It was a nice time to sit and reflect on my experiences so far. I climbed up this weird chamber with a bunch of ropes in it (which was difficult considering I’m not 3 feet tall anymore, although I don’t know how kids reached those ropes…) that ended in a slide. It felt good.
4. Get on the beer trolley. We met these 30 year old professionals that invited us up on their beer trolley and ended up spending about four hours with them. They bought us slippers, tons of beer, some cake, took a trip to the coffee shop with us, and ultimately showed us a really nice time. Sometimes, you’ve just got to give up your plans and do what feels right, which was getting on the trolley.
5. Coffee shops. Obviously, there’s some major reasons to go to Amsterdam. Go to a coffee shop, order a drink, eat a space cake, and chill out with your friends. This is what life’s all about – and you may just end up laughing for an hour about twitching eyebrows.
6. Van Gogh collection. The Van Gogh Museum was closed, but the collection was showing at the Hermitage. I never appreciated Van Gogh until I saw it up close – you can’t see how incredible the brush strokes are in pictures.
7. Red light district. This is really one of the only places in the world where you can see something like this. I got offered drugs. I got pawed at by scantily clothed women while trying to sign to them that I really wasn’t interested. I saw a 75 year old prostitute. I watched curtains open and young men sneak out glass doors, head bowed down, embarrassed and satisfied.
8. French fries. Holland’s most notable cuisine is actually french fries covered in mayonnaise. Get one. Get another. Get five on your trip – the rest of the food is overpriced and not particularly special, not to mention not Dutch. Save money on food.
9. Bike or tram card. The trams are really easy to use, and it was only 16 euro for unlimited travel for three days. We would have rented bikes, but the weather was quite nasty. It’s a really bike friendly city.

More Amsterdam 

• Heineken Experience. Fun and free beers at the end, but not an absolute must see. If it’s your thing, go!
• Hash, Marijuana, and Hemp Museum. A little expensive for the two rooms it covered, but interesting nonetheless. I saw an actual live, growing plant, which was kind of crazy to me.
• Markets. Basically a bunch of knick-knacks and weird things, but worth seeing. They’re free anyways and you can do one in about 20 minutes.

Amsterdon’ts

1. Don’t shop at the first coffee shop you find. Really look into the prices and explore. I really liked Dolphins, near Leidseplein, and Barney’s, located downtown.
2. Don’t do a pub crawl, especially when a bunch of fun 30 year olds invited you to a houseboat party. The pubs are really American, and the people that did it were mostly weird.
3. Don’t lose your tram card. Oops.
4. Don’t buy a sandwich at the Hermitage. They’re gross.
5. Try to go when you know the weather will be nice – the city is really beautiful, but it was prettiest when the sun was shining.

Next time I visit I’d like to

1. Tour the countryside. See a windmill. Go to a clog factory. Go to a cheese factory. See the tulips.
2. Go out in Leidseplein (don’t bother going out anywhere else unless you know somewhere is going to be a sure hit).
3. Evening canal tour with wine and cheese.
4. Go to more coffee shops. Come on – we all know that’s really what this city is all about.